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Seraph gripped his head, threatening to rip out his hair as tears poured from his eyes. “I am a coward, remember? I ate that plum because I wanted to escape the pain I now know I deserved. But I wish that plum really had killed me. I wish I had died that day. It would have been better than a life with no hope of redemption. Every morning, I open my eyes and remember waking up after the fight. Realizing you’re alive after trying to end it all, I never knew something could be so painful. Every breath hurt, every beat of my heart was agony, every thought in my mind felt like hot lead, and it all comes again fresh every morning. All I’ve wanted to do since then is… finish what I started.”“I know how you feel.”

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I let myself have a little shiver of anticipation as I thought about it, confident that if Rachel saw it through her cameras she would misinterpret it as fear. But my face, I kept a mask. Mustn't do anything to make her think I was enjoying this, not yet! Not until I was sure she would keep doing me, even after she knew! I had months and months of 'punishment' ahead of me, as long as I played my cards right... and I could hardly wait!