fear and hunger ogre

I passed Carol unexpectedly in the hall after first period. To my surprise, she smiled brightly at me and asked how my weekend went. I mumbled a response and hurried away, and the smile disappeared from her face. Later in class, she seemed tense and kept looking my way. I was completely distracted and just doodled on my notebook. Finally the bell rang and we started packing up.

“But though we’ve gone to war with the church, I am still a devout believer in Lumendori. I told Cyrilo that by helping her, I was dirtying my soul in the eyes of God, and that’s how I truly feel. Ever since that night, I’ve been unable to pray, and I feel so alone. I’m left wondering by what right I have to ask Lumendori for protection or forgiveness, having involved myself in the purest evil. Have I turned my back on God, or has God turned his back on me?”

He had never told her what he and Alexis spoke of that snowy morning, never told her the real reason why he had helped her break free of Galvin. If he did, how would she react? Would she become disheartened, accusing him of toying with her for his own selfish desires because he couldn’t let go of the past? Or would she go with it, try to take up the role of his long-departed wife, forsaking her identity, her future, and her relationship with Alexis just to receive his affection? Neither was an outcome he wanted.