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“I did invite you, remember? I invited you to become a free agent, to come with me and see what was on the other side of the horizon. You told me you couldn’t be the person I wanted you to be, even though the only person I want you to be is you.”

Her dad snored steadily as usual, while Sarah cradled a warm load and a half in her jaw. Being so busy with work, he must have been backed up. So excited was she to make her dad come, Sarah didn’t know what to do now with a mouthful of it. Her first thought was to swallow it and enjoy the feeling of it sliding down her throat, but there would be time for that soon.

Maybe you and I do deserve to suffer for our wrongdoing. If that’s so, then it means that when things get painful, when things get difficult, we don’t have the luxury of quitting. We don’t get to end our lives to escape what we did. Whatever form the pain takes, we bear it, we endure it, we welcome it, all while we try to make this world a place where people like us, like how we used to be, have no place, and the people who would be hurt can instead live in peace. The next time you encounter an obstacle you cannot overcome, when you just want to curl up into a ball and quit on the world, remind yourself that you don’t deserve the peace of surrender. You have to keep working, to keep fighting, to keep suffering, until the day when you’ve fully repented.