tear it up meaning

I left her there, naked and bleeding, and the next time I saw her, she was at the base of the west tower, having jumped to her death. Galvin told me not to concern myself with her, that she was simply a broken toy, and that I would find another. But I knew different. She wasn’t a broken toy, and though she made her choice, it wasn’t suicide; it was murder. I killed her. I hurt her, I violated her, and made her life so painful that I might as well have pushed her off that tower myself. I knew it, but I didn’t want to accept it.

I left her there, naked and bleeding, and the next time I saw her, she was at the base of the west tower, having jumped to her death. Galvin told me not to concern myself with her, that she was simply a broken toy, and that I would find another. But I knew different. She wasn’t a broken toy, and though she made her choice, it wasn’t suicide; it was murder. I killed her. I hurt her, I violated her, and made her life so painful that I might as well have pushed her off that tower myself. I knew it, but I didn’t want to accept it.

“No, but I figure now is as good an opportunity as any.” She sheathed her sword and stepped back, pressing her palms together. She began gathering her mana, but it was slow to react, like a creature awakening from hibernation. “Zodiac: Avagath.” A large silver magic circle appeared on the ground, showing the ten constellation runes open to her, and through them, she could feel the power of the cosmos beginning to flow into her. It was a feeling she had missed. Whenever she activated her magic, she could see the stars with her mind’s eye, the flickering light in the darkness, especially when she used Avagath, which expanded her sensory abilities.