lexi heart

“What? “I can’t believe I’ve done half the things we’ve done, so…”“Remember when you put your tongue on my asshole? Just for a second?”“Yeah, sorry, I got carried away. “I’ll never…”

Maybe you and I do deserve to suffer for our wrongdoing. If that’s so, then it means that when things get painful, when things get difficult, we don’t have the luxury of quitting. We don’t get to end our lives to escape what we did. Whatever form the pain takes, we bear it, we endure it, we welcome it, all while we try to make this world a place where people like us, like how we used to be, have no place, and the people who would be hurt can instead live in peace. The next time you encounter an obstacle you cannot overcome, when you just want to curl up into a ball and quit on the world, remind yourself that you don’t deserve the peace of surrender. You have to keep working, to keep fighting, to keep suffering, until the day when you’ve fully repented.

I let myself have a little shiver of anticipation as I thought about it, confident that if Rachel saw it through her cameras she would misinterpret it as fear. But my face, I kept a mask. Mustn't do anything to make her think I was enjoying this, not yet! Not until I was sure she would keep doing me, even after she knew! I had months and months of 'punishment' ahead of me, as long as I played my cards right... and I could hardly wait!