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Bojena paused. “My superiors want Galvin deposed and Seraph put on the throne. Even if he has lost most of his powers, he remains Light’s Emissary, and he’ll be able to unite the nations in this holy war against the Profane.”

“Probably,” I shrugged. Since I had Carol to fantasize about, I had been jacking off as many as five times a day. Ah youth…Carol paused and looked down, thinking. I guess she was trying to decide if she wanted to ask me another question. She looked back up at me.“Jim, will you do one more thing for me tonight? You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to.”“Okay…”

Maybe you and I do deserve to suffer for our wrongdoing. If that’s so, then it means that when things get painful, when things get difficult, we don’t have the luxury of quitting. We don’t get to end our lives to escape what we did. Whatever form the pain takes, we bear it, we endure it, we welcome it, all while we try to make this world a place where people like us, like how we used to be, have no place, and the people who would be hurt can instead live in peace. The next time you encounter an obstacle you cannot overcome, when you just want to curl up into a ball and quit on the world, remind yourself that you don’t deserve the peace of surrender. You have to keep working, to keep fighting, to keep suffering, until the day when you’ve fully repented.