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The next time our class met, I tried all period to catch her eye, without success. I dawdled after class to be the last one to leave. As I approached the door, Mrs. B. cut me off and closed the door, leaving the two of us face to face. She looked stern as she faced me. Still hot as fuck but stern.

“If the coward hasn’t shown up, he’s surrendered his place in the tournament!” Viktor argued.“He has a point, Sir Noah. We can’t wait all day for every combatant.”“You don’t have to wait all day. Count to 300; if I haven’t found him by then, you can declare the match. The people deserve that much.”“Very well, I’ll give him a chance.”

Maybe you and I do deserve to suffer for our wrongdoing. If that’s so, then it means that when things get painful, when things get difficult, we don’t have the luxury of quitting. We don’t get to end our lives to escape what we did. Whatever form the pain takes, we bear it, we endure it, we welcome it, all while we try to make this world a place where people like us, like how we used to be, have no place, and the people who would be hurt can instead live in peace. The next time you encounter an obstacle you cannot overcome, when you just want to curl up into a ball and quit on the world, remind yourself that you don’t deserve the peace of surrender. You have to keep working, to keep fighting, to keep suffering, until the day when you’ve fully repented.