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Seraph gripped his head, threatening to rip out his hair as tears poured from his eyes. “I am a coward, remember? I ate that plum because I wanted to escape the pain I now know I deserved. But I wish that plum really had killed me. I wish I had died that day. It would have been better than a life with no hope of redemption. Every morning, I open my eyes and remember waking up after the fight. Realizing you’re alive after trying to end it all, I never knew something could be so painful. Every breath hurt, every beat of my heart was agony, every thought in my mind felt like hot lead, and it all comes again fresh every morning. All I’ve wanted to do since then is… finish what I started.”“I know how you feel.”

“Jim, can I see you for a minute before you go?” My heart sank. When everybody had left, Carol closed the door and faced me with a stern look. What’s the matter Jim? You look like your puppy just died.”“I just feel bad about what I did to you. You know, your bum and everything. I hope you’re not mad.” Carol burst out laughing.

“Probably,” I shrugged. Since I had Carol to fantasize about, I had been jacking off as many as five times a day. Ah youth…Carol paused and looked down, thinking. I guess she was trying to decide if she wanted to ask me another question. She looked back up at me.“Jim, will you do one more thing for me tonight? You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to.”“Okay…”